My Trigger

When you have anxiety you know that there are certain things that may set you off in life. Maybe it's when you have to take a test, or when you have to go to a large social event or right before you have to perform something. Whatever the trigger is, it's important to know it and recognize when you can avoid it, and when you have to just face it head on.

My trigger is change. Not just change from day to day but large changes to my normal daily routine. I wish I could have been a turtle in another life, because then I would be able to carry my home with me wherever I go. I am a homebody. I like having a home base to come back to and when that home base is disrupted, my anxiety beast will come out. So obviously traveling makes me nervous which is a shame because another part me longs to see the world. 

When I think back to the days before my anxiety began, I wonder how did I do the things I did? I was able to move from my family's home down to college on my own, I was able to sleep in a new bed with new sounds and new people. I also slept on people's floors, futons, and couches when we would come back really late from a party. During my time in Zambia (see my other blog Showers Travels!) I was able to sleep in a different bed almost every night...I even slept in a tent once! That person that I used to be was fearless...she was brave and tackled any obstacle that came her way with ease. I want that person back. I want to be able to travel on my own without having to pop pills in fear of a breakdown! Maybe I will get that person back again someday...but until then I must attempt bravery at every opportunity.